The summer of 1979 was the last summer I spent at my Grandmother’s house. On a nice evening my mother showed up to pick me up from a long stay, and I was happy because finally I was going home. “Why don’t you stay couple more days with me” my Grandmother asked. “No, thank you” I said, “Mom, I want to go home”. And home we went. That night my mother got a phone call; my Grandmother was in the hospital. She suffered a fatal heart attack.
Few days later she passed away and despite my young age, I felt this huge guilt and sadness that lasted for a while. That’s when recurring dreams about my Grandmother, her house, her refrigerator, and the red night light began to emerge. I would have the same dream over and over to slowly evolve to another dream that would repeat again, and again, and again.
The first dreams I remember were just my Grandmother and myself in an empty room and the red light. After my mother with all her folklore took me to see a “curandera” a woman who swears she cures people from “susto” or fright with eggs, spitting mezcal, praying, and herbs, that’s when I begin dreaming about her house. The house in my dream was dark and I would be standing in her living room and in the darkness all I could see across was the red light in her room. And I was so afraid to walk through the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen, and to her room. I stood there just watching the red light.
Then the dream evolved that as I was daring to go to the next room, and the next room, they were dark and dusty. I must say that it took me years to finally make it to the kitchen. As the other rooms, the kitchen was dark and dusty too, the same way a house looks like when no one has lived there in a long, long time. However, whenever I turned on the sink faucet, the water was always crystal clear and when I opened the refrigerator with the round handle, it was always on and with fresh food inside.
In my latest dreams now I am able to walk all over her house, the house is lit and I am not afraid anymore. The refrigerator is still there along with the red light, but in my dreams I don’t go to her room that much so the red light doesn’t bother me anymore. Many times I have wondered why I keep having the same dream again. I have also noticed that as I grow older, the dream eventually changes, but then it lingers like that for another while. Must be a correlation or a sign of every phase in my life that, if I want to change my dream, I must also make that change in my life.