The Recurrent Dream

The summer of 1979 was the last summer I spent at my Grandmother’s house.  On a nice evening my mother showed up to pick me up from a long stay, and I was happy because finally I was going home.  “Why don’t you stay couple more days with me” my Grandmother asked. “No, thank you” I said, “Mom, I want to go home”. And home we went. That night my mother got a phone call; my Grandmother was in the hospital. She suffered a fatal heart attack.

Few days later she passed away and despite my young age, I felt this huge guilt and sadness that lasted for a while. That’s when recurring dreams about my Grandmother, her house, her refrigerator, and the red night light began to emerge. I would have the same dream over and over to slowly evolve to another dream that would repeat again, and again, and again.

The first dreams I remember were just my Grandmother and myself in an empty room and the red light. After my mother with all her folklore took me to see a “curandera” a woman who swears she cures people from “susto” or fright with eggs, spitting mezcal, praying, and herbs, that’s when I begin dreaming about her house. The house in my dream was dark and I would be standing in her living room and in the darkness all I could see across was the red light in her room.  And I was so afraid to walk through the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen, and to her room. I stood there just watching the red light.

Then the dream evolved that as I was daring to go to the next room, and the next room, they were dark and dusty.  I must say that it took me years to finally make it to the kitchen. As the other rooms, the kitchen was dark and dusty too, the same way a house looks like when no one has lived there in a long, long time. However, whenever I turned on the sink faucet, the water was always crystal clear and when I opened the refrigerator with the round handle, it was always on and with fresh food inside.

In my latest dreams now I am able to walk all over her house, the house is lit and I am not afraid anymore. The refrigerator is still there along with the red light, but in my dreams I don’t go to her room that much so the red light doesn’t bother me anymore. Many times I have wondered why I keep having the same dream again. I have also noticed that as I grow older, the dream eventually changes, but then it lingers like that for another while. Must be a correlation or a sign of every phase in my life that, if I want to change my dream, I must also make that change in my life.

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One thought on “The Recurrent Dream

  1. Wow, you know they say when you dream of someone who has past away, they are really visiting you. Your grandmother wants you to come back (in your dream) and feel comfort and safe in her house as she did. You connected the house to your grandmother with your feelings as a child of wanting to “go home”. What a great way that your grandmother is guiding you through your life.

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